Aisha (she/her) is 40. She describes herself as a bisexual, South Asian person who identifies as non-binary - though she hasn’t changed her pronouns yet, as she doesn’t feel attached to any specific pronoun. She works as a teacher, freelance artist and theatre manager and lives with her partner in Bristol. On her living room wall, she has bunting up that says ‘Smash the Patriarchy.’

ON QUEERNESS

I have a partner who is male, who doesn’t identify as queer, but everyone thinks he is. He has to come out as straight to people.

I don’t think if you are with someone from the opposite sex that means you are suddenly straight. Some people think all your history is erased. I don’t think that is how it works.

There is quite a lot of ignorance around what it means to be queer. I’ve had a lot of people come to me and say. ‘But you're with a man, so obviously you’re not queer’. It’s a little bit like they are saying, ‘You are not allowed into the queer club, because you haven’t got the goods.’ What qualifies as queer comes up a lot. When it first happened, I would be quick to justify it, because I felt I was losing my identity a little bit. Then later, I was like, ‘Maybe it’s no one’s business. Maybe you can all f*** off!’ Haha!

The thing that people don’t understand is that, even if you outwardly appear to be straight, you’re still going to be affected by the same discrimination that other queer people face, whether or not people notice you are being discriminated against.

ON LOCKDOWN LIFE

The biggest change was working from home. The work intruded on our space. If you’re at home all the time, it’s really difficult to convince yourself that work time is over. We would try to find ways to ‘cleanse’ the space after work and transition into our ‘living space.’ My idea was to get rid of all traces of work stuff and then put the disco light on and have a dance! Like a little ritual. It didn’t really work.

I have a theatre company called KIOTA [www.kiotabristol.com] We got Arts Council Funding for a project in January. Lockdown happened literally 4 days before our show was supposed to happen. It was really gutting, but I was like, ‘Well people are dying, so I shouldn’t complain.’ But I was really sad about it. We ended up turning the project into podcasts instead. [open.spotify.com/show/2yD6qfGX6CovEq10bAwkor?si=Q-AGOYeLRV2R9g4zIy6hnw]

I was also part of writing group that wrote a play called ‘Postcards from a Pandemic’, which was a snapshot of different people of colour’s experiences of Lockdown. One of KIOTA’s podcasts includes an excerpt about a queer rural teenager who usually feels very isolated. But during Lockdown they find a community, because there were loads of queer events going online, and through that they find love.

ON INTIMACY DURING LOCKDOWN

My partner has definitely become 70% weirder over Lockdown. I asked him ‘What percent weirder have I become,’ and he couldn’t answer! We’re both quite theatrical. Through Lockdown, my partner has become just a bundle of characters, voices, mannerisms, accents…! There has been a lot of people in this house considering there is just 2 of us!

A new thing, I guess, since Lockdown is I have to say to him, ‘Ok just stop it now. Just reset, can you be normal for the next half an hour?!’ I don’t know what normal is anymore! There has just been too much abstract and surreal! I can’t cope!

ON REPLICATING PRE-COVID EXPLOITS

I really miss being in a room with loads of people dancing to the same music. I miss the looseness in the air.

‘Queer House Party’ is great. [www.instagram.com/queerhouseparty] Its online every Friday night. It’s fun to dance in your house and feel together with people. There is normally a cause and performances. I enjoy watching people dancing along on Zoom. Some people have really amazing costumes! I miss random chats with people I don’t know though. It seems weird to chat randomly on Zoom. Too formal. ‘Dear person on Zoom…Sincerely person whose camera is off.’

I do a thing called fooling. It’s kind of like a cousin of clowning. You go stage with nothing prepared. You usually go in with a feeling, thought or impulse. I did a show online over Lockdown. It was really weird, because I was performing to my laptop and I could only see my own face! There was 130 people watching and I had to kind of imagine them there.

For my 40th I was meant to go to Berlin, but instead I made a spreadsheet where 4 people came to my garden for 2 hours each, because it was during the ‘Rule of 6’ time. I had a 13 hour party! It was funny, but I would love to do the real thing.

ON BEING LGBTQIA+ IN BRISTOL

Bristol is a great place to be queer! There is massive queer community. I work in the ‘old gay quarter’, so there is a lot of tradition and things happening there. The Wardrobe Theatre has loads of queer events on. The bar that is attached to the theatre is called the The Old Market Assembly. It has a lot of queer nights. It feels like home there and most of the bar staff are queer. [thewardrobetheatre.com]

For New Year I went to Queer Prom. [www.instagram.com/queerpromuk/?hl=en] It’s for people who didn’t go to their 6th form ball as their authentic self. It’s really fun.

What I love about queer events is that they are so intersectional. I don’t think there is any other kind of events that I have been to that are so diverse.